Like Mother, Like Daughter

School has been back in session for a few weeks now. This year, I have Helena attending Pre-K on my campus. It has been such a treat to have her there! She has a wonderful teacher and class, and she has been excited to go every day. It has been a fun year, so far!

Until this year, Helena has not had to navigate a facility that was much larger than a house.The school where I work currently has over 500 students. Because of the size of the campus, Helena is facing new challenges of endurance.

During the first two days of school, she used her walker to move from one side of campus to the other and seemed to me like she was doing it easily. But by day 3, she started showing signs of fatigue in the afternoons and after school. By the time we are ready to leave the school, she can’t or won’t walk out of the building.

We have since then been watching her in order to incorporate her wheelchair into her day so that she doesn’t waste energy needlessly. For the first time, we are addressing how to prioritize tasks so that she doesn’t wear out so that she can maximize her ability to move independently.

Helena does not particularly like her wheelchair. She wants to do things for herself, and will often tell you so. I will sometimes get frustrated with her because she will stubbornly refuse to use her walker or the chair, I will get all of our stuff together to leave or go somewhere, and then she will change her mind, necessitating a major shift in how I am carrying things or moving her around. Our major arguments occur over independence and when she feels she has been unfairly limited. Helena will frequently wear out, throws some sort of huge fit, and then realize that she needed the help that was originally offered.

Another challenge we have faced for a long time has been with eating. Helena likes to play. She doesn’t seem to have time to stop and eat (unless it is something sweet.) We have always worked hard at getting her to eat nutritious foods – but even more than usual, we have been taking steps to make sure she eats at regular intervals – because Helena misbehaves when she is hungry or has eaten too much sugar. We even have a special term for how she behaves after she eats something with a lot of sugar – we call it “sugar brain.”

When Helena is tired, not wanting to eat properly, or even when she faces a challenge, she will often try to brush it off. “I’m okay, I’m okay.”

Sometimes these words demonstrate grit and toughness. I am okay with this – and plan to post on this use of those words in the future. But at other times, the words “I’m okay” are a denial of the need for help, and it becomes a problem.

She says “I’m okay” when she falls to assure us she can get back up (the grit). We also heard it often in the hospital when she didn’t want to take her medicine – even though she was clearly in a lot of pain and needed medicine. She says it often when she doesn’t want help but you know she probably should have it. You hear it when she wants to play in the bathroom and trouble is brewing! Whether or not she admits it – sometimes, she does need help. She needs to be encouraged, she needs guidance, and she needs to accept her medicine.

As we all do.

With any disability, there are obvious limitations, and whether one may like it or not, they need to accept some help. Allowing others to help is hard for Helena sometimes – she wants to be like everyone else. And yet help very often results in closer relationships, innovative solutions, and understanding how to prioritize our activities in order to more effectively live life.

Many of us struggle with this.

As an adult, I often struggle in the same way as Helena! I have been realizing that personally, I need to do some things differently to maximize my energy and lower my levels of stress. I need to exercise, and I need to take some pressure off of myself and try to live more effectively. I especially need to remember to trust God with the unknown – he is really the one in control. And I am one big worrier.

I will tell myself (and others) “I’m okay.” But many times, I say this when I struggle. When I am unwilling to do what will help me improve my health, I will gloss over the necessity of making improvements, and when I am upset about a situation, I make excuses rather than creating solutions.

When I have things in my personal life that I am unhappy or concerned about, I don’t discuss these things with anyone. I know better, but often I behave as if these problems are best solved by worrying and fretting over the situation. As many of us do, I tend to bury myself into my cell phone or other media, trying to escape, or sometimes just searching for solutions that are easy fixes.

I need to trust God and listen to Him for the solutions I need. I need His help.

In this case, the apple does not fall far from the tree. Helena and I both like to take care of things on our own. And both of us sometimes need to acknowledge our helplessness and accept the help that is so generously offered to us.

In accepting help, one finds strength, relationship, and very often – rest.