Without a Paddle
Ponderings of an Uncommon Life
The Season of No
As a public school music teacher and the mother of kids who are learning remotely (while I work in-person), this school year (and all of 2020) has been one of blessings and of challenges.
I believe in being a part of community. I will be the first to say that I believe that it is a healthy practice for my kids to be in a school classroom with other kids. I believe in keeping kids active in school culture and the community in which they live. And as community members, I want my kids to flourish and grow.
But this school year for us has been a season of no.
No to in-person learning.
No to extracurricular activities.
No to eating out since March 2020.
No to casual shopping in a store.
No to large gatherings of any kind – including church.
No to family gatherings where more than 9 people or two households will be meeting.
No to Christmas dinner with extended family.
No to seeing smiles unless they are close contacts.
No to traveling anywhere but home.
One day, I was speaking with a friend who was frustrated by the lack of consistency in Covid rules. I agree that in many ways there are inconsistencies – but I explained to them that at our house we work to be very consistent.
We do ALL of the things:
We do not go out unless we have to. When we do, we immediately shower when we get home. We quarantine our clothes. We quarantine any goods we receive. We mask up around anyone we don’t have in our “living circle.” We, quite honestly, aren’t socializing outside of our family circle.
My classroom Covid-19 procedures are, for the most part consistent with what I do at home, as well. We try to consistently wash hands or sanitize at the beginning and end of every class. We sit nearly 6 feet apart. My passing periods are spent spraying chairs and washing my hands to do it all over. If we use instruments, they are all sanitized or quarantined for 2-4 days before reuse. As a school district, we all wear masks and have done well working together to maintain a safe environment.
Our motivation for having Helena and Rebecca in remote learning is neither a political statement or done out of fear. Our motivation is to ensure Helena stays well.
Helena is doing very well! However- her condition is incredibly rare, only occurring in 1 in 3,000 births. When a specific genetic condition is pinpointed, AMC tends to be even more rare. In addition, Helena’s doctors tell us that even among kids with similar genetic mutations, Helena’s condition is quite a bit different. We don’t know much about Helena’s genetic factors – we just learned of them in December of 2019. What we do know: Helena has AMC caused by a genetic factor that also causes other medical issues.
What does this mean?
Doctors really don’t know much about her condition. They have very few examples of kids like her who have been sick with COVID-19, and most, like Helena, do seem to be kept at home. This makes doctor recommendations a little more unreliable in that they don’t have the scores of data available on kids with genetic conditions. They have to make an educated guess.
I do believe the medical community is doing the best they can to rise up to an enormous challenge, and I love Helena’s doctors. But as far as recommendations on what is best right now, it is really hard to place complete trust in a physician. There simply isn’t enough data.
For that reason, we feel it is best to go with what we feel God is telling us to do. For us, this means that for now, we need to continue in the “Season of No” until the right next step appears.
When will that be? I wish I knew.
There are many times when I find myself lamenting and sad over this time. I hate how limited we are at times. I (more than) sometimes hate being “different” from the status quo.
And yet…
I know as a Christian that a “Season of No” can be an opportunity to grow in Christ. And this has been true for our family.
We have had to learn to be more reliant upon God, and as we have done so, we have been given the opportunity to take stock of what is important.
We have learned that God’s best for us is not always the same as what His best is for others. We knew this before – but now, we are truly living it.
We have learned that some things in our lives we felt were right but didn’t make sense were put into motion for a reason. (And we have marveled at this.)
We have learned that when we do what God feels is best for us, people sometimes get upset. To us, our response to the pandemic is not political. However – inclusive of all political persuasions on the pandemic, we have had people of all types of beliefs upset with us. If we are trusting God, however, we are still on the right path. We must continue to trust Him first.
I have personally been reminded that my greatest fear is disappointing (losing) people with my choices. The times when I feel the most stress is when I feel I have disappointed others; but to do the right thing, I must attempt to trust God and let this fear go.
In addition to these lessons, there are other blessings we have encountered:
Our family has been able to simplify and enjoy one another more. We eat dinner together every night. At a certain time each evening, chores and all housework comes to a close and we spend some time together.
We are able to sit and enjoy church together as a family online. A couple of weeks ago, we sat on our front porch as the snow fell and listened to our worship service. Helena discusses how much she loves the pastor, and calls the music minister by his first name.
Helena has never met the pastor or the music minister in our church- nor has she been in an adult service – she has always been in Sunday School while worship is going on. She is paying attention – and despite our circumstances, Helena will be ready to attend worship when we are able to return.
We have been able to save money and eat more healthily by not eating out or going places as much. This is something we hope to continue. While it seems convenient to eat out, the time it takes is often a trade-off for much needed rest at home.
We are reading a lot more. I have already completed 5 books for 2021. My goal for the year was originally 25 based on previous years. I think I may need to up it! Helena has read well over 100 books since December 15.
In the evenings instead of watching television, we spend our time listening to audiobooks. We are on our second and third ones of the year and will finish them both this week.
Our “Season of No” has been a time for reflecting and making adjustments to many things in our lives. From our finances and the possessions we hold on to, to our faith and beliefs, we are delving deeper and making more meaningful decisions. And slowly – we can breathe easier.
We know that when the time is right, our lives will get busier. Our high school freshman has sacrificed much this year in the way of social activities with friends and extracurricular activities. It makes me sad that she has not been able to have some of these things. And yet- we know that these things will come back into her life soon- and we hope that she is able to enjoy them more fully when they do.
As we push ahead in the year 2021, I hope to see that our “Season of No” will prepare us and develop us as we make way for a better time in life. But as we journey along – we strive to enjoy the blessings of being together.
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Without a Paddle 
Jennifer, thank you for your thoughtful, faith-filled, wise, and loving commentary. We miss you! I often see Cathy and Rowena, and I’m going to share this with them in case they haven’t seen it. Love, Connie
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